Relationship Hygiene: The Everyday Habits That Keep Love Healthy
- Alexis Honeycutt, LMHC, Certified Gottman Therapist
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
I was sitting with a couple the other day. The couple was kind, committed, doing the work—and we were talking about connection.
At one point, the woman turned to her partner and said, “I just need some one-on-one time every day. Not hours. Just... a little. A moment to sit down, to talk, take a walk, or just cuddle. Something small, but regular. Like brushing your teeth or showering.” And I nodded. Then I said, “Like relationship hygiene.” She smiled. “Yes! That’s exactly what it is; relationship hygiene.” We sat with that phrase for a moment. Because it felt true.
What Is Relationship Hygiene?
Just like personal hygiene isn’t about fixing something major, relationship hygiene isn’t about solving big problems every day. It’s about the small habits that prevent things from becoming big problems.
In Gottman Method couples therapy, the motto is “small things often.”
It’s the practice of intentionally nurturing your relationship through tiny, everyday moments of connection.
Examples of Relationship Hygiene in Daily Life
Checking in before stress builds
Pausing for five minutes of uninterrupted attention
Sitting close on the couch after work
Saying “I’m proud of you” or “thank you” for the little things
Offering to help—not because you have to, but because they matter
It’s a daily reset. A gentle clearing of emotional clutter before it starts to pile up.
Why Maintenance Matters in Marriage
The strongest couples aren’t the ones who never struggle. They’re the ones who practice maintenance. The ones who understand that intimacy doesn’t just happen—it’s built in micro-moments, day by day. And like brushing your teeth, you don’t skip it just because you’re tired. Relationship hygiene doesn’t take hours. It just takes intention. A look. A check-in. A hand reached across the center console in the car.
Small things. Often. That’s what keeps love feeling close.
Try This: One Small Act a Day
Ask: “What’s something you’ve been carrying lately?”
Offer: “Want to take a quick walk before we crash tonight?”
Say: “Being near you calms me down.”
Let it be simple. Let it be small. Let it be every day.
Partner Check-In Prompts
(Use one or two daily, or pick a few to explore each week.)
Connection & Presence
-What made you feel close to me this week?
-When did you feel most seen or heard by me lately?
-Is there a small moment of connection you’d like more of in our routine?
Stress & Support
-What’s something that’s been weighing on you—big or small?
-How can I show up for you better when you’re stressed?
-Is there a recent moment where you felt I missed your bid for connection?
Repair & Understanding
-Have I done anything recently that felt off or left unspoken?
-What helps you feel safe bringing something up with me?
-Is there anything we need to clear the air about?
Love & Appreciation
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